Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Feeling slightly inferior tonight.

(Please do NOT be offended by this post. I am not posting about one person in particular or even one situation in particular. Being a dance teacher, I am constantly in contact with other moms and am always comparing myself to them. I don't think the other moms in my life, dance family friend or otherwise, mean to make me feel inferior! haha I'm also not compliment grubbing! I don't need a pat on the back, I just need to know other moms feel te same way at times.)

Do you ever, as a mom, feel like everyone else is succeeding and you are floundering? Sometimes I feel like all the other moms I know have mastered the back stroke and I can barely doggie paddle. How in the world do other full time working mothers manage to make their own baby food?! I feel like I don't have time to hit the grocery store to get the jars, let alone strain and puree my own. Dave is super involved. He has the baby on his own every night from 2:30 until she goes to sleep because I am at work. I can't imagine doing all this without him to help out.

Sometimes I feel like I am putting Rory at a disadvantge because she hasn't had a more "natural" upbringing. She's been formula fed since day 1, and not at my choice. (I didn't...produce? HA! How do you say that delicately?!?) We use disposable diapers out of sheer convenience. No real other reason. We use jarred baby food and she sleeps in her own crib. Why? Because I need my OWN sleep, and p.s. I worry Dave would smush her. He's a flipper all night long! :) She goes to daycare a few times a week because I HAVE to get work done. I own my own business and I need office time.

Now, none of the decisions are "Wrong" per say. None of the other options are wrong either. Who can really say what's right or wrong? What's right for me wouldn't be right for someone else. What's right for RORY certainly wouldn't be right for other babies. Rory needs her bottle 4 times a day, others need it 3 some need it 5. Rory naps twice a day, others more, others less.

I think the biggest thing that has got me down today is this. Why is it that women can be so catty towards each other? Why can't we keep our mouths SHUT and be supportive of each other? I know I do it. I know I think in my head at times, at the store or the pharmacy "Ummm hello. Put a hat on that kid!" Or "Eww. Wash that kid's face." None of those types of thoughts are either NICE or NECESSARY. I don't vocalize them to strangers, but I've caught myself critcizing other moms to friends or family. Why? Why do I feel the need to judge them? Am I such a fantastic mom that I can sit here, on my pretty white tower, and look down on other moms? I don't know their situations. For all I know, the baby could have taken his hat off in the car and Mom couldnt' stand to fight him to keep it on one more time. The other baby could have smeared food on his face without his mom knowing. All these things Rory has done but I don't sit and judge myself like that.

I think my resolution is this. I am going to make it a point to compliment other moms on how great their kids are. I deal with a ton of sweet kids every day and I'm sure their moms and dads don't hear good things from teachers and coaches enough. Maybe if I start with my circle of moms, you would start with yours. I'm pledging to stop the judgements and quiet the voices in my head. Who knows. Maybe by stopping the judgements in my head, I'll learn to realize I'm doing an okay job as Rory's mom. I'm not perfect and I've got a lot more learning to do, but in the end I love her. And really, that's all she needs.


Genelle said...

I hear you! I'm a stay at home mom and I can't even figure out how to get time in the day to clean! I can't imagine having the responsibility of a job and taking care of a baby, husband and house. You are a hero!

And making baby food isn't all it's cracked up to be. Evan get's half homemade and half jar food... and the main drive behind the homemade is that it is CHEAP! lol! :) Seriously, when I'm tired and not wanting to make food the way I get myself to do it is by reminding myself how much money I save. It's not because I'm supermom. Take one look at my bathrooms that haven't been cleaned since early December, the living room that got vacuumed last week because Josh broke down and did it and the windows that haven't been cleaned since early in my pregnancy (Ahem... 2008!) and you will clearly see that I'm not supermom.

Good for you for making an effort not to judge. I think that is a great thing to be doing!

Laura said...

You know what I say... "Who cares how other moms think I am doing." It doesn't matter.

Who cares that you had to formula feed. Who cares if you use disposable diapers and feed her from jars. Rory is loved. Rory is taken care of. Rory has a great family.

People never look at the whole picture. I find that moms tend to always be defensive because they are insecure. They are afraid that their ways aren't as good so they have to judge you to make you feel like you are wrong.

I'm pretty certain that I have lost some friends because they were insecure and judgemental about mom stuff. It's sad. But you are right... I think we all do it in our minds to some degree but I have learned to always give mothers the benefit of the doubt... because I have been the mom that had to carry her kid in to the store in feezing temps without a hat because I did not feel like fighting it. :)