Wednesday, March 7, 2012

How to Make Friends.

How do you make friends?

I feel like I have lot of blog friends but very few friends in real life. I mean I'm talking 2 friends that aren't related to me. When did this happen?

I tried going to MOPS to meet other moms but it wasn't a good fit for me. The moms were super nice and good ladies, but it just wasn't my scene. We tried daycare to meet other kids and their moms and that was a royal disaster. I try to organize things at my house (like for example a 31 party on Sunday that two people showed up to, after inviting over 30.) But nothing seems to pan out.

I'm stuck.

I understand that not many 27 year olds have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids already. I get that. But just because I have 2 kids and a husband doesn't mean I'm not still fun! I'm still Kate, I'm still me. I still like a glass of wine on the weekends, a good dinner, a romantic comedy, shopping. I still like the same things and the same people. I haven't moved on, but maybe everyone else has?

Dave and his same friends still do all sorts of things together. Golf, snowboard, movies, going out to see bands, all sorts of fun stuff. And where am I? Home with 2 kids.

That sounded a little bitter, and yeah maybe I am a little bitter. Actually, I'm flat out jealous. I'll be honest. I'm so envious of Dave every time he gets to leave to go do something fun. I never get to go. I'm either working, cooking, cleaning or being mom. On rare occasions, I do get to spend the afternoon with my life long best friend, Brittany. But she works 2 jobs (crazy girl!) and has a single, fun life.

I'm whining. I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not. I'm kind of throwing myself a little pity party and that's okay every once and a while. I'm not sitting here complaining about ALL THE THINGS in my life that are driving me bonkers right now and I'm not being a spoiled brat. I'm just...lonely.


Jess said...

We can be friends! I'm 27 and married for 5 years too, and we live sort of close! :)

Unknown said...

The majority of my non-family friends "live in my phone". We do have a lot of people our age in our Sunday School class that we get together with as families. But whenever I do something without Michael, it's just with my mom and sisters. So I don't have too many friends either :)

Vicki said...

I feel the same way ... but the opposite. I have less then a handful of friends, and the ones I do have are married w/ children where I am not ... :(

Kelly said...

I totally know how you feel. I only have a handful of friends as well. And to be honest, I "blame" us owning our own company, and you might relate as well. Our company has been our BABY AND BEST FRIEND for the past 5 years. However, I don't have coworkers, I have employees. There is a BIG difference. Sure, we get along SO well. But they will always be employeed by us, and that is different. A lot of people make friends at work, and Greg and I just can't do that!

Why can't making friends be as easy as it was back in middle school?? ;-D PS-- OF COURSE I would be your friend if we lived near each other!

Kristin said...

It's okay! We moved across the country to where we knew no one. Being an army wife, there were initially a lot of ways to get involved, but I didn't keep up with it so I lost a lot of the friends I had made at first. Plus, I'm the only 26 year old army wife I know who has a full-time job and no kids. Tell your husband to join the army. You'd fit right in!
Just know that you're not the only one with this problem :)

Cindy said...

Wish we lived closer because I'm in the same boat!!

This Joyful Life said...

Ok, I am a little uncomfortable putting this out there online, on your blog - but I realized I'm more uncomfortable just calling you up and telling you that I read your blog and that I, like you, am in need of a friend! But, I'm not in your age bracket (I'm 39 - and will remain so on that special day coming up next week) and I've been married 13 years. I'd love to have you & your children over here for a playdate or we'd love to come to your house. I'd also love to do things without children attached, but have no idea what that looks like in this place. I've thought of starting a book group, or bible study or mom's fellowship kind of thing . .but have no one to invite b/c I'm new here and I'm weird (homeschooler). In spite of that, I think I'm fun and would love to hang out, be friends all that. Give me a call - if you don't think I'm too weird for commenting on your blog this way! Angie Lovero

Laura said...

I went through a period where finding friends seemed impossible. I'd imagine it would be even more difficult in your little town where I am guessing there is very little to do.

What I have learned to do is use things I have in common with others as a place to start. Like reading? Find another person or two and start a book club. Chances are they may know another person or two to invite as well.

Church has been a great place for me also. Bible studies and events. I just go to almost everything with the hope of meeting someone. I've met women of all ages that I have become friends with. Single, married and widowed. I love them all and they are all so important to me in their own ways.

I used to be the girl with no friends but I made every effort I could to make friends. And now that I have plenty I try to make sure that no one I meet goes without. I recently received the most wonderful compliment ever. I met K a few weeks ago and she is new to the area. She had met another friend of mine, L, that was new to the area last spring. L asked K if she made many friends yet and when K said no L replied "well you must not have met Laura Wick yet." That was just days before I met her. :)

I will pray that the same turn around happens for you... that you go from the girl with few friends to the one with so many that you can't help but share them with others so that everyone can have wonderful friendships! I wish you lived closer! You would fit in so well with all my friends!

Kiley said...

You definitely need to come and visit us. :)

I only have a handful of friends right now that I see on a regular basis. Mostly, this was a choice (because I got tired of making an effort to hang out with wishy-washy friends whom I didn't even really feel much of a connection with). I feel ya that I wish I had more!

I'm so sorry about your party. :( This is exactly why I never throw parties. I'm always terrified no one will show up when they say they will.

Unknown said...

I feel the same way. I love my online friends, but I wish I had some friends to go out with.

Life With Lauren said...

I feel that way sometimes I am 30 and have been married for 8 years this year but we don't have kids (not our choice just can't) so the ones we have are opposite and do have kids so it is hard to relate sometimes.

Meghan said...

I think everyone can relate. It helps that I live in a big city and that I am still close with HS and college friends who live close, but my husband and I have wanted to find more "couple" friends too. Have you tried taking a yoga class, or something like that? Are there any local meet-ups in your area? My husband belongs to a monthly group that goes out to dinner and he has met people that way, too!

Amber said...

I have been feeling this same way for a while now. I have always been social, and when I was a newly wed and even more so once I was single, I was always with my friends. Either as a couples thing, etc. I found it was easy to make friends, and didn't worry.
Now that I am back with J, I find that I just don't seem to "connect" with my core friends any longer. It's not that they don't like J, or agree with our decisions, it just seems that I don't have anything in common with them anymore. I'm having trouble connecting with people my age, and I just seem to be sinking deeper into it.
I think you have every reason to be a little jealous, and since there are so many ppl that relate, I don't think you are being a "whiner" at all! It seems to be part of growing up, and it's not something anyone likes.
Keep your head up and I hope things get better!