PYHO: Confused.

I haven't linked up with Shell for sometime now. Not sure why, really. I love this link up and Shell is awesome. She's such a real blogger. I appreciate her frank take on parenting and her posts/tweets make me feel like I'm not alone in my parenting.

Sometimes, I stare at my son and I'm so confused. I have no idea what to do with him at times. I don't know very well how to "play" with him. With Rory, it came naturally. I taught her to have a tea party, to play Mommy with her dolls, play dress up. With Trace...after about 10 minutes of zooming cars around his play mate, I'm done. I'm just not good at boy things. We build with blocks, roll balls around and drive cars until my eyes are going to pop out of my head.

It's more than how to play with him though, I'm thoroughly confused by his personality. He's the sweetest little mouse on the planet 99% of the time, but some days (and more often than not lately) he cries without end for no reason. He crawls all over me, won't let me sit down without scaling me like a rock wall. He clings to my legs, yanks on my necklaces and sobs like he's dying if I leave the room. He's like two completely separate people at times.

Here's a good example. This morning I was entering tuition in to the computer and using the cricut to make the letters for my January bulletin board. My home office is in the basement, where the kids have a huge playroom. They have a play house, a tricycle, comfy couches, books, toys, blocks, a rocking horse...you name it, it's down there. It's like a toddler's dream. But where's Trace? Standing beside me, yanking my mouse down, smacking the keyboard and crying at me for no reason. He had a juice cup, Mickey Mouse on the tv and a thousand toys. But because I wasn't giving him 100% of my attention, he was having a melt down.

And I have no idea what to do with him.

Sometimes when he's crying, I just walk away. Call me a bad mom, but after a while...when he's not hungry, sick, tired or needs a diaper change...it's all I can do. What else can I do at this point but teach him to self soothe? He's almost 15 months old. He needs to realize he doesn't need to be attached to my side at all times. There's nothing wrong with that. There really isn't. This kid has more toys, books and crayons then a third world country. He won't die because I left him to play on the floor of our very baby proof-ed living room while I walked 10 feet in to the kitchen, attached to the living room, to start dinner. He won't die. He won't even get hurt, sick or injured. He'll just get upset.

Call me what you will, judge me if you want, but that's what it is. I don't know what else to do. Rory didn't seem to go through this particular stage, or at least not as bad. (She has her OWN set of challenges...blah. Like the constant screaming at the top of her lungs in her car seat for 5 months stage or our current and lovely hitting people in the face stage...another post for another day) If I keep picking him up, then he does it more and more so I will pick him up. If I leave him sit on the floor, at least he stops crying eventually. I can't let him think I'll come running every time he lets out a whimper. I mean, honestly. I can't live my life like that. Some moms can and do, and that's great for them. But me? Not a chance! My kids have to learn to be more independent than that.

I guess this is just part of my mother hood journey. I'll deal with it the best way I can, just like I have with all the other trials Trace and I have faced together. This too shall pass. And then it will be on to the lovely throwing toys across the room phase or perhaps the won't eat anything but chicken nuggets phase.