Sunday Social

Linking up today for Sunday Social! I love this link up, hosted by Ashley and Neely. I don't know why I don't do it every week.

Actually, I do. I forget. haha :)

Anyways! Link up!

1. What is something you have wanted to do but are afraid of?

Hmmm...there's not too much, actually. Well, that's not true, I guess! I have lots of ideas and grand schemes I'd love to put in to action for my dance studio, but I'm nervous. I'm working on it though.

 

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

A wife for almost 11 years (!!!), Mom to an 8 year old and almost 7 year old (that'd make them a third and first grader! WHAT!), a dance teacher for 13 years, a lot less in debt (maybe entirely out?!?!), hopefully an Aunt (hehe),  and happy. Just plain happy. I really love my life.

 

3. What are you looking forward to before the end of 2012?

Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas! Holidays are so fun with toddlers. I just love it! Also the student choreography concert at the studio is awesome. It's really interesting to see my students put together entire dances on their own. So fascinating.

4. What are your hopes for your blog?

Well. I've recently decided I want to make blogging a bigger hobby in my life. I love to write and this is a great outlet. I'm going to make a decision finally on a new design and get serious about this whole thing. I'd love to grow my blog but mostly, I'd like to make time each day to write. 

 

5. Do you always see yourself living in your current town/city?

Yep! Or at least near here. Our little forest town is wonderful for raising kids. The schools are (for the most part) filled with pretty good teachers, both sides of our families are close, it's safe, Pittsburgh and Buffalo aren't that far away...we really can't complain. I love the forest!

 

6. What is your morning routine?

7:00. Alarm goes off, I flip on the Today Show and check my emails. I get up, go pee (haha), brush my teeth and put on a sweatshirt. I watch the Today show and answer emails until the kids wake up, usually around 7:45. Breakfast for everyone, only one diaper change!, wash faces and hands, brush hair and teeth, get school clothes on Rory 3 days a week, watch a little Doc McStuffins or Jake, depending on who's day it is to pick the morning show and then out the door to take Ro to school! She loves her little pre-school. Trace and I run errands, work at the studio, go get coffee...really we just enjoy being the 2 of us for a few hours. Then it's lunch time!

Help!

Okay, a few months ago, I somehow connected my Google+ account (which I never ever use and think is really dumb) with my blogger account. Ever since then, I became the dreaded "noreply" blogger. I have no idea why or how this happened, but I need to fix it. Anyone have a clue how to fix this?!

YIKES.

Where have I been?

Note: I'm about to talk about my breasts. If that weirds you out, skip this post. ;)

Last Wednesday, Sept 12, I underwent a breast reduction surgery. A major breast reduction surgery. Let me back up a little...

In 8th grade, I was a full c cup. Talk about embarrassing. Most girls are still barely filling out training bras and I was wearing underwire bras every day. By the time Rory was born, I was a DD. After Trace, I was fluctuating anywhere from a DDDD to a G, depending on the style and make of the bra. I hated my chest. It  was impossible to find cute bras, they all looked like helmets and were bigger than my face. Clothes didn't fit properly in the slightest. Dresses would have to be 2 sizes too big in order to fit my "girls." I was unable to leap, turn, jump and teach tap classes without being in serious pain and often snapping the underwire part of my bra in two. Clothes that would look  modest on anyone else looked seriously hoochie mama style on me. Tank tops and bathing suits? Yeah right. My bathing suit for the last 3 summers was a maternity suit because it was the only kind I could find that covered me in somewhat modestly in the chest. Embarrassing doesn't even begin to describe it.

After a close friend of mine had a breast reduction this past spring, I decided it was finally time to take the plunge. My insurance covered it, thanks to a chronically displaced shoulder blade, grooves in both of my shoulders and neck pain all caused by too much weight in the front. I went in on Wednesday morning a G cup and left the hospital a nice, normal C cup. 

Now that's the easy part to talk about.

There's a whole other side to breast reduction surgery no one really talks about. And I'm going to.

On Saturday afternoon, I was laying in bed sobbing. Not from pain, it's actually relatively pain free. Not from discomfort, it's not all that bad. I was sobbing  because I had looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked hideous. I haven't had "small boobs" since 8th grade and the shock of seeing myself in a whole new light sent me in  tail spin. I was in a full on body dysmorphic panic. I was scared, filled with regret and embarrassed. I chose to have this surgery, yet here I was hysterical and disgusted with myself. I was convinced that I made a mistake.

Then my good old dad called me. He asked if I needed to go to see a counselor or someone the way women do after a mastectomy. Yes my surgery was "elective," but it was a necessity.  A huge change. A drastic change. Just hearing him validate that I wasn't totally crazy made me feel so much better. His calling allowed me to feel what I had been feeling....scared. I'm not sure how to deal with this new body of mine.  I'm not sure how to dress, how to hold myself, how people will perceive me. What I do know, though, is that everything I am feeling, good bad or ugly, is normal. Women who go through what I've been through experience a roller coaster of emotions and it's all okay. For years when I looked down, I couldn't see my stomach because my breasts were in the way. Now when I look down, I see it. It hasn't changed size or shape, it's still the same. I have to accept that. And I need to learn to be comfortable in my new skin.

What happened?

I have a problem. My daughter has a serious issue with "guys," as she calls them. She doesn't like men...well men that aren't her brother, dad, Grandpas or cousin Connor. Some of her uncles are okay, but not all. She doesn't like to do "guy things," "ride in guy cars," or watch "guy shows."

I have no clue where this came from.

At first I thought it was because all summer, Dave and Trace would do special things together and Rory and I would do special things together. I thought maybe with me going back to work 2 weeks ago, she was missing our mom-daughter time and that was how she was expressing it..

Nope. Not it. She has told me repeatedly she likes to do things with Daddy and she loves to play with Trace.

Today, at the doctor, our usual PA, Jan, was out sick. We saw one of the male doctors. We've seen him plenty of times before, he was actually the pediatrician in the hospital when Rory was born. She's familiar with him. He's SUPER nice. (All the Dr's in our practice are wonderful.) She threw an out right fit. Screaming, kicking, sobbing, hitting, wiggling away. I had to hold her down to get her ears checked. This is not Rory behavior. Every single other time she's gone to the doctor, it's been fine. She loves the secretary and the nurses, knows where the toys are, she usually loves visiting. In fact, when my sister was doing her Peds rotation at the office, we went down a few times just to hang out. We've spent a lot of time at the doctor since Trace was born because he was such a mystery baby with all his digestive issues. Rory's never had a problem before. Even after shots, she's fine in a few minutes.

I have no idea what to do. I encourage Rory to play with Trace, spend time with Dave...but it's not them she has a problem with. Granted, she doesn't spend a lot of time with boys/men that aren't in our family. There's a few boys at dance, some in her preschool class, but for the most part it's all women. Her Sunday School teacher is a woman, preschool teacher is a woman, she doesn't go to Daycare....

What do I do? Set up play date with boys I know are close to her age to encourage her to play well with boys? Ignore it? She needs to be an equal opportunity friend. ;) She clearly can't throw a fit every time she has a "guy" Doctor, especially when all he is doing is taking her temperature and checking her nose and ears.

Being a mom is so hard sometimes.

Trace's Dance Career...

Well, friends. Trace's dance career is already over.

Yesterday, my dear son was supposed to start his Creative Movement class. Last year, Rory was in this class and Trace loved it. He wanted to do the games, songs and movements each week. I figured this year would be in even better because my mom is teaching the class. "Gaga" is a rockstar around here.

Yeah... not so much.


In the first 15 minutes of class, Trace smacked the other girls in the class on the top of the head, hid behind the curtains and jumped out repeatedly shouting BOO at the top of his lungs, started a screaming contest with a little girl and demanded his golf bag about 15 times.

Class started at 4:00. I took his cute butt home at  4:16.

Sorry,  Fizz. You  just can't hit the paying customers! haha Oh well. Guess I'm not raising the next Travis Wall. ;)

First Day of School!

Today is Rory's first day of school! She was up and ready to go at 7:30. School starts at 9, so needless to say...we had a little photo shoot while we waited. :) Rory is in a 3 year old pre-school class at the same pre-school I went to...and my sister, our cousins and a bunch of my students. It's a wonderful program, taught by a really nice teacher who already knows and loves Rosie. There's 10 kids in her class. Perfect!

She ran right in, put her backpack in her "locker" and shouted BYE MOM. She could have cared less that we were leaving. Way to go, Ro. We're proud of you already!