Thursday, January 10, 2013

Things I Think My Toddler Is Thinking

Yesterday, a hilarious blog post came up on my FB newsfeed: 46 Reasons My 3 Year Old Might Be Freaking Out by Jason Good. (see it here!) I almost peed my pants was spot on about Trace. He freaks over nothing...Jason Good has some really great and funny posts on his blog. I wasted a good 45 minutes reading more this morning. He puts in to words exactly how I feel about my toddler. In addition to 46 Reasons, I also recommend 3 Minutes in my Toddler's Head. Moms and Dads, prepare for a laugh. :)

Inspire by Jason Good's take on his toddlers actions, I thought today I'd put down in a post some things I think must go through my children's mind:

Rory slipped on the ice this morning. Her solution to the small scrape?
"I need to call Daddy. He needs to put cream on it and rub it and wrap it in my blankey. You can't do it Mommy, only Daddy."
I translate this to: If I ask for Daddy, Mommy will call him and he will bring me some sort of candy or treat after work and then he'll baby my hand and give me a thousand kisses and 110 bandaids, even one for my baby doll and he'll let me snuggle on the couch and watch tv all night. Mommy will tell me to stop crying...DADDDDDDDDY!"

Trace, while waiting for Rory to come out of preschool today, was sobbing hysterically for no reason, on top volume, for 15 minutes:
If I cry long enough, she'll get out the M&Ms, I know it...keep it up...deep breath...waaaaaaaah...stop for 2 seconds, let her think your goes...waaaaaaah! Come on Mom...get out those M&Ms wait what? You don't have any candy? Screw you woman. WAAAAAAHHHH! At least give me your phone, I can do serious damage on that sucker.

Trace, while sobbing in the midde of the night for no reason (do you sense a theme here?)...
I hear: MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM.
What he's really saying:
 I know you hear me, Woman. Get your butt out of bed and check on me...I could be bleeding out my eyeballs and you would never know. I could be battling the closet monster. I could just be a little chilly or my blankets are wrong or I left my Jake doll in the living room or my light up pillow stopped working or my CD isn't playing or my hair is itchy or I'm faking sick to get M&Ms for taking Tylenol or I just miss your face (that's not it, by the way) or I want to see how loud I have to scream to wake up Rory or I want to play Russian Roulette with whether or not you will be cranky or normal when you come in...oh crap. You sent Dad.

Rory doesn't nap anymore but she does go in her room for quiet time every day. During quiet time, she gets EVERY toy she owns out and throws it all over her room. (In all honesty, she does get a lot of toys out and make a huge mess but it's an honest mess. She really is playing, not just being messy :))
La La LA LA LA LAAA LAAAA LAAAAA LAAAAAAAAA I love to sing I love music I love flowers I love sugar is that a butterfly no a seagull no an elephant an elephant lives in the zoo zoos have animals I should get out all my stuffed animals (pick pick pick) Got a bunch (throw in the air) That was awesome. Let's try it with tea cups...oh dear that one broke...LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA I love my grandma la la la la Grandma gives me Jell-o ho hum he hum let's smash something...

Ever wonder what goes through your kid's mind? Let me know!


Cari said...

Hahaha that is funny,I definitely will have to check out that article

Meghan said...

OMG, this is hysterical! :) It reminds me of "Look Who's Talking"!

Laura said...

Ha... the one about Rory and her thinking about Dave... Hilarious! Dave is a softy isn't he?

Amber said...

Hahaha, this is hilarious! I think you've captured their thoughts pretty perfectly!

Angela said...

So funny! Thanks for sharing the Jason Good post. Also very funny :)

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