Pour Your Heart Out: Trace

Trace is sick.

Correction. Trace has ALWAYS been sick, since the day he was born most likely.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about Trace and how he is constantly unhappy. I wrote about his crying and fussiness and inability to fall asleep well. I poured my heart out and was honest about how it made me feel. I felt like a failure.

This weekend, while in Florida, Trace cried for about 75% of the trip. He didn't sleep, unless I was holding him sitting straight up. He was just...awful. Clearly, something was wrong with him. I called my mom bawling on Sunday because I just didn't know what to do. I had no idea how to help my son. I'm his mom, for God's sake, I should know what to do or at least be able to google an answer. Trace was cryng, I was crying. Dave and I were fighting. I got no sleep. I was trying to hold my self together because I didn't want to ruin Rory's first 2 days at Disney.

My mom hung up with me and immediately called my pediatrician. We headed to the doctor yesterday morning and we finally are on the path to a solution, we think.

Trace has acid reflux. Actually, pretty severe acid refulx. Basically, he's been throwing up in his mouth every couple of hours. If you've had done that, you know how bad it burns. He has heartburn a lot of the time, as well. Again, if you've had heartburn, you know how bad it hurts. It explains so much: why he doesn't want to sleep laying flat on his back, why he spits up all the time, why he does seem comforted by his bouncer. So much of Trace's behavior can be directly related to his acid reflux.

So what do we do? Well, we switched to non-dairy, non-soy formula. It's called Nutramgien. Do not ask me how much it costs, I can't think about it. He will eat that and ONLY that for the next 2 months. No cereal, no baby food, none of it. The nutramigen is allergen free, so it will help his little esophagus heal and allow his stomach lining to mature before we try adding in anything else. We go back to the doctor on Friday and we will discuss adding a small Zantac prescription. I'm not crazy about the idea of my 4 month old baby having to take medicine every day for a while, but it is what it is. If it will get him to stop crying, then I'll do it.

Please pray for me and for Trace. I am wracked with guilt that I didn't push the issue sooner. I knew something was wrong but I thought he was just a hard baby. He's been in pain and I didn't do anything about it. (I know, I know. But I need to get this off my chest. Mom guilt sucks.) I'm exhausted, I'm stressed. My marriage is starting to suffer because of having a sick baby. Dave and I are at each other's throats all the time because it's exhausting listening to crying all the time. He leaves for work at 3 am and when he gets home, I run out the door for my work. It's just not good. Dave is an awesome dad and so he takes it really hard that he can't get Trace to stop crying. He wants SO BADLY to have fun in the evenings with both kids, not spend the entire night trying to calm Trace down. The entire situation is starting to feel like more than I can handle. I need a break, I need a few days of quiet and rest with my husband. But I can't even fathom leaving Trace with anyone, even my mom, mother-in-law and aunt who are fantastic, right now. I couldn't put them through my daily routine for more than a day. It would be a disaster. I left T and R with my mom 2 weeks ago for the day and I worried the entire day that my mom would get upset with me for Trace's crying. (So stupid, I know!)

I just need a break.

And now I'm crying. I'm so sorry. This isn't where I wanted this post to go. I just needed to dump, I guess. I just need a break.