Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Oh hi there.

Hi. Remember when I used to faithfully blog? At least four times a week?


Welcome to my real life.

This season in my life is stressful. I've really been doing pretty darn bad lately. Time to be honest.

 Trace has been sick with one tiny thing after another all fall. Colds, allergies, pink eye and now as of yesterday a sinus infection. Nothing major, just tiny bumps in the road of life BUT. When he is barely 2...it's rough. Lack of sleep, weird schedules and so many Dr. appointments. Yuck.

Rory had the whole hairball saga of 2012. Thank God, it turned out to be nothing but a small infection but still. It was brutal. It did a number on my emotional health. Lately she's really ben embracing her three year old attitude. (Ahem) Almost every school morning, she gets in a fight with me about something...clothes, shoes, coat, backpack. This morning she refused to wear her coat. So I said fine. Go out to the car without it on and see how it feels.

Needless to say, it was 41 degrees this morning. She put her coat on before she even made it off the porch. Mom: 1 Rory: 0. She's gotta learn and I figured a little "experiential learning" would do wonderes in this case.

I'm in the middle of ordering $16,000 worth of costumes and another $2000 of tights. To say it is intimidating is an understatment. It's the worst part of my job. Add in a student choreography concert, a visit from Brooke, Paige and Kelly Hyland from Dance Moms on Sunday, competition rehearsals, Saturday morning acro, the holidays...

Man it's been tough.

That's the thing about depression. All these little things pile up in my mind and I can not shut it off. Anxiety takes over some days. I'll be able to do nothing but lay in bed for a while. Some coffee,, some light tv (Duck Dynasty anyone?? :)) and a nap. Deep breaths. Prayer. Music. Comfy sweats. Time to myself...

Anxiety and depression never just go away when it is a legitimate chemical imbalance. They come in waves, highs and lows. I know that this season in my life is a low and that's okay. I'm working on turning this in to a high. I'll get there. I'll swing back up. I'll recoup. But not today.

And that is okay.


Kristin said...

It's seasonal for me. I never felt like this in PA, but I can't handle the darkness in Alaska. I reallyreally hope the rest of the holiday week is relaxing for you and your family!
I, for one, have missed reading your posts :)

Tayler said...

Totally understandable Kate, I've been having a rough time lately too. I mean, I don't have a business and two babies, so I can't exactly relate...
But it's closing in on the end of my first semester of grad school, and I've been feeling the heat. And you're right, some days it's okay to not feel awesome. Some days it's okay to throw in the towel a little early, have a cup of herbal tea, and let things be. I get it. I love you :) And I've also missed your posts!