Happy Birthday, my sweet Fizzy!
I can't believe you are one already. This year has been so different from any other year in my life. When I found out I was having a son, with your Aunt Chelsea, Mr. Phil and Daddy in the room with us, I was so excited. And scared. I didn't know anything about little boys! Girls I was good at it. I was used to pink, fluff and baby dolls. I was nervous about trucks, baseballs and dirt. I wanted to be the best mom a son could ever ask for.
Daddy and I spent a long time discussing your name. We searched websites, books and through our memories to come up with an appropriate name for our son. Originally, you were to be named Carter. Then my friend named her son Carter and since he lives 6 houses away, we thought that might get confusing. :) Jackson was suggested, then I realized the Jackson on Hannah Montana looked quite similar to an exboyfriend so that name got the axe. I pushed for Parker, after my favorite Steelers played. I wanted Davis, it means son of David. (How appropriate!) Joel, Toby, Owen, Christian...I tossed out so many suggestions. And then one day, Daddy and I saw one of my dance students riding by in a car with her family. Her little brother's name is Trace. And it hit us. You were destined to be our Trace. Our precious, wonderful, complicated Trace. A simple, unique and quiet name for a little boy who is going to change the world. Your middle name, thought I wanted it to be David for the longest time! :)), is Joseph. Daddy tells people it's after Joe Paterno, and yes, that is true. You were born in the heart of Penn State season and Daddy is a huge fan. But I agreed to Joseph without a moment's hesitation when your (great) Uncle Dude suggested it because that's Baba's middle name! My dad is one of the most wonderful people in the world and naming you after him in that subtle way gives you someone wonderful to model your life after.
You were born, via scheduled c-section on a cold Monday. Dr. Maljovec took such great, easy care of you and me. Daddy got to be in the operating room for your birth and he says it was awesome. I was pretty out of it but I promise it didn't hurt one bit! I got to hear you cry the minute you were born and I cried. My family was complete. You were the missing puzzle piece.
You had some health troubles from the start and we're still trying to figure it all out. At the moment, you have relatively severe acid reflux and you are allergic to all things with dairy protein in them. You do fine with eggs baked in to things though. You are allergic to lactose. You are allergic to cedifinir based medicines. You are sensitive to dyes and scents in lotions, soaps and laundry supplies. Your poor little skin gets so dry and scratched. We're going to head to a pediatric allergist this week though. Don't worry, my little man. You'll be just fine.
Trace, you are the biggest learning experience I've ever had. You've taught me to be an advocate for your health and to stand up and demand more tests, better information and safer treatments. You've taught me to be diligent in cooking and keeping things healthy in our house. You've taught me to survive on very few nights of full sleep. You have made me 100x a better mom. I'm much more patient and understanding. I'm learning, every day, that being a good mom isn't being an ideal mom, it's being the best mom I am capable of being. And I have you to thank for that Trace! I had all these "ideas" about parenting that had worked for Rory that didn't even begin to touch what you needed. I had to adjust, rethink and try again. I'm so thankful for that, Fizz. You are a blessing in so many ways.
A mother's connection with her son is special. There's real meaning behind calling someone a mama's boy. You are my mama's boy. You call for me when you are hurt, you want me to be with you all the time. In the middle of the night when you get sick, it's mama you call out. I'm so proud to be your mama and be the one who can dry your tears the fastest. You love your Daddy and light up when he comes to pick you up every day, but I know there's a special place for me in your heart. I'll always be your mama, Trace, even when you're too old and too cool to call me Mama. I'll be the one standing on the sidelines, cheering you on and washing your smelly uniforms after every game. I'll be the one studying spelling words and reading you your literature stories. Your Daddy is pretty great, but I'm already your biggest fan. And nothing can ever change that.
I love you to the moon and back! Mama
I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.