Coming Clean.

Well.

I haven't been honest.

The real reason I haven't been blogging is...well I've got a lot going on right now.

Rory's issues have gotten worse. Her anger, her frustration, her trichotillomania, her exhaustion, her non-sleeping, her worrying, her anxiety, her acting out...all worse. A lot worse actually. This summer was really really really rough.

There were days, man, where I'm on the phone in tears to our pediatrician, begging for her help. Sobbing to my mom, my aunt, my sister, begging for help and ideas. Watching my tiny, beautiful, creative, energetic 4 year old yank hair out of her own head, throw her beloved dolls against the wall in anger, go without sleep for days on end, spit on her best friend and cousin...

It was awful. The amount of tear I shed, the times Dave and I fought, the number of times I had to hold my daughter in a tight hug and sing to her over her own screaming just to try and get her to calm down...awful doesn't even begin to describe it. Dave would be able to tell how "good" our morning was just by the tone in my voice at lunch time.

I kept telling myself it would get better, that it was just a phase.

It's not.

We have had 3 or 4 visits with our much adored pediatrician in the last few weeks and we've officially been referred to the Pediatric Behavioral Health Unit at Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. I spoke at length to the CRNP Monday about our Rory Girl. We started the conversation with the understanding that Rory might not be able to be seen until well into September, potentially October. By the time I was done, well she wanted to see Rory next week. We'll be meeting with her for an intake evaluation on Monday the 9th.

So what does all this mean?

Well as of right now, we're anticipating that Rory will have an IQ Test (she's brilliant. I'm not saying that to brag, it's the God's honest truth), autism spectrum tests, hearing tests (she's inherited my misphonia and super sensitive hearing, I'm sorry to say), emotional and behavioral health evaluation, anxiety disorder tests (again I'm sorry Rory...) and a battery of other tests which will all, hopefully, lead us to a diagnosis and plan.

A plan. That sounds heavenly.


And when all of this is said and done...I'm going to Disney World.